Six Rules for a Successful Relationship

6 Rules for a Successful Relationship, advice, dating, love, marriage http://jessicacoaches.com/2016/03/six-rules-for-a-successful-relationship/

A healthy relationship is paramount to your happiness and wellbeing.  A good relationship builds you up and helps you achieve your goals. It is there for you when things get tough.  A bad relationship can destroy your self-worth and damage you severely.  No relationship is perfect, but once you both get these rules down pat, it really can be pretty easy to have an incredible connection where the sky is the limit.


  1. Make your partner a priority. Many people have a real hard time with this one.   People often put work or their children in front of their spouse, or even their friends.  Remember: your partner is the person you have chosen to build a life with.  You will change jobs or eventually retire.  Children move out of the house, and the best thing you can ever teach them is what a healthy relationship is.  Your spouse should be your partner in life, listen to them, if they say they need more time with you, make it.  If they need to set a limit on something, try to meet them.
  2. Do not say negative things about your partner to anyone other than your partner or a professional.  It reaffirms your negative thoughts.  It brings you closer emotionally to the person you are talking to and farther from your spouse.  Also, once you move on from the issue, it is more likely to be brought up again, and that will not help your relationship or your friend’s opinions of your partner.
  3. Get on the same page, set goals together or do something new together.  Feel like your drifting apart or have nothing in common?  Struggling to make conversation after you’ve caught each other up on the day? You can change that.  Find something you’re both interested in be it getting your finances on track to buy a house, planning a trip, or taking up a pottery class.
  4. Learn your love languages of your relationship and do at least one thing each day to tell the other you love them.  The power of positivity is strong.  If you want to be treated well, treat your partner well.  Let them know you love and appreciate them.  If you do not know what makes yourself, and your spouse feel loved you can always check out: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/  they have a free test to find out your love language.
  5. Pick your battles. Try not to sweat the small stuff. No one likes to argue all the time, and it is easier to jump from one fight to the next when you do.  If enough small things pile up into a real issue, have a conversation about how you would like to see progress on them.  Instead of focusing on what negative things your partner is doing, make sure to comment on all the positive ones.  See: How to Fight Like a Pro! Conflict Resolution and Forgiveness
  6. Change your response, not their actions.  Relationships give the opportunity for positive change within yourself. You can only control yourself, and they are an individual.  Instead of focusing on them doing something or the lack there of, bring your energy to finding solutions or peace with how things are. People respond much better to asking for help in a loving manner than complaining why they never do something.  Remember: Our partners can not read our minds, even if sometimes it feels like they can, you need to communicate your needs.

How to be Smart: When Everyone Wants Your Money!

road-sign-464653_960_720Now while some of us are not very aware of our inner caveman, advertisers and con men hone in on that instinct-driven part of your brain every day.  They know what conditions allow for you to make impulse decisions.  The first thing you need to understand is they want you being irresponsible. They want you to be in a state that will allow for you to make a decision right now, because they will likely lose you otherwise.

 

I believe that the majority of people are good.   However, separation from the consequences of your actions through the internet, people just doing their jobs for corrupt companies, and the fact that the bad guys tend to use the shotgun method when scamming people has made trickery an epidemic in our world.  We have to be careful out there! If you get a bad feeling in your gut about something, don’t do it!  If it involves your finances, talk to someone you trust about it first.
It is also important that you use a good anti-virus software that alerts you to suspicious pages and links.  I use Malwarebytes.  They have a free version which is great.

 


    1.  Scarcity: This deal is selling out now!!! 100 people are viewing this now! Only 5 left!  You will never see this price again! So very rare is it in this day of surplus that there is a limited amount of something.  The truth is that in our consumer driven culture you can usually find the same thing or an equivalent for an equal or cheaper price elsewhere.  They don’t have to put popular concert tickets on Sale for them to sell out.  Pay attention to what the prices of the item on sale are, because the item will be on sale again, or even permanently that way, keep track of things you are interested in.  Don’t buy things on an impulse, wait, 24 hours minimum, or do a quick internet search for similar services, and if you still think it is a good idea, buy it then. 

 

    1. Energy Saving: Get a free Gift card when you do X, Doorbusters! These have a broad range of how bad or good they are.  They range from we will sell your information, sign you up for several services, and it will still be nearly impossible to get that free item; to loss leaders where they give you something for free or cheap to get you in the door to make other purchases.  Be very wary of these when you do not see them through a reputable business, if you do decide to do them be ready for a high-pressure sale and at the very least to be tempted by other items.  There is a reason they are giving something away; they are getting more out of it.
    2. Interest Piquing: Something has happened to your credit card, You’ve been chosen for a free cruise, I’m going to talk for 10 minutes to get you invested without ever telling you what the title was about, Outlandish Headline: You Won’t Believe who died!  These range from benign trying to get your click on their link so they can get you to look at their stuff to very malicious information phishing to steal your identity.  If you get an email that seems questionable or unexpected, make sure to check the email address to see if it looks suspicious.  Do not click on any suspicious links!  Go directly to the website and check it that way.  (Malwarebytes helps with these.) For National Inquirer Style headlines, just go to google and search it rather than clicking the link to find out if it is just click bait.  For an unexpected phone call do not give them any information about yourself, ask them to identify the company they work for, their names, and why they are calling you.  Remember you can always call the institution directly if it seems suspicious.  

 

  1. Intimidation: High-Pressure Sales, Extortion! These are hard to know about unless you receive a warning from somewhere else.  If you are going to go into a sales environment, check reviews of the establishment.  If you are going to a new city, do some searches on the internet about what scams are prevalent in the area.  These are more common than you would think, especially in tourist areas.
  2. Predatory: Predatory scams take advantage of an individual’s weakness.  Predatory programs for the poor such as payday loans, auto title loans, or any high-interest loans for quick cash, they take advantage of their desperation.  For the elderly or other commonly isolated parties, a common scam is getting emotionally involved with the person for the purposes of leeching money.  Predatory scams often prey on people who are trusting or naive, if it involves you wiring money to someone, especially someone in another country, steer clear!

Whose life are you living? Is it time for a Priority Inventory?

Whose life are you living? is it time for a priority inventory?

Do you like your life or are you just passing the time? Are you doing what you want to be doing right now or do you find yourself jealous at other people’s highlight reels on Facebook? Are you working towards doing what you want or are you waiting for life to happen to you?

Many people feel like their life has gotten off track, or maybe that they have been going the wrong place the entire time. If this strikes a chord, it might be time to suss out why you are living the life you currently are if it is not what you want.

What is a priority? Priorities are the most important things in your life, what you deem most important to yourself. Whatever you make a priority in your life has a higher chance of flourishing as it is getting more attention. Priorities show themselves in the amount of time you dedicate to something and the amount of money(which is ultimately the value placed on your time) you spend on the things important to you.

 

I will use traveling as an example of goal achievement and priorities because I know many people claim travel as one of the things they would like to do more of and are not doing anything to fulfill that goal.  Many people who claim to want to travel, never actually do, they like travel pages on Facebook, they have dreams of lounging on the beach or partying away in a foreign country. They do not work towards it; they do no research to find out how they could do it now, and when they do get a chance to take a vacation they visit relatives. Clearly, travel is not at the top of their priorities. People give excuses well I if I just had more money. False, you could travel now you just have to adjust your expectations and make it happen. Or maybe you should just own it, and know that traveling really isn’t that important to you and stop being wistful about it because truly you would rather see your family or play basketball with your friends.

 


Examples for Time Charting and Money charting
Examples for Time Charting and Money charting

Priority Inventory:

1. Write a list of your top 5 priorities. Examples: Friendships, Spouse, Children, Security, Health, Success, Pleasure, Nature, Status, and Adventure.
2. Write a list of 5 goals you are working on.
3. Take your average week and tally up the hours you spend doing things. You will quickly see where your current priorities are. If you dislike your job and you are spending the majority of your week doing it and no time applying for different jobs or doing research or education on what you would rather be doing it might be time to reevaluate that.
4. Evaluate your monthly statements, where is your money going? Whatever you are spending it on is where you are placing your priorities.Do you have a new car payment, saying appearances is important to you? Do you have money going into savings every paycheck, showing security is a value you place importance on?
5. Compare and Contrast 1&2 with 3&4. Are you working towards your goals? Are you putting your energies into where you want them? Try to figure out why things might not line up, and adjust your life accordingly.

How to Achieve Your Goals by Battling Your Inner Caveman!

How to Achieve your goals by battling your inner caveman

Inside all of our minds is a caveman. This caveman does things to survive. He wants to get the highest caloric food to store for famine. He wants to rest and conserve energy for that mammoth he is going to have to spear tomorrow. He wants to procreate with whatever mate he can find because who knows if there will be a tomorrow.

 

This caveman does not know we are living in times of plenty.

 

This is why it is hard to reach your goals. You have to deny that inner caveman and the physical urges he can produce in your body. You have to say no I’m putting my future goals above my current discomfort. Whatever it might be: losing weight, gaining muscle, saving money, or learning a skill. He is there to tell us: I deserve this splurge, just one piece of cake, or wouldn’t it be easier just to sit here and watch an entire season of Lost on Netflix. Know that you can retrain your mind, and like everything else you do this by repeating the actions you want to be in your life.

Continue reading “How to Achieve Your Goals by Battling Your Inner Caveman!”

Depressed, Anxiety? Six solutions to kick it to the curb!

This Worked For Me! Depressed? Anxiety? Six Solutions to Kick it to The Curb. Depression anxiety emdr hypnotherapy hallucinogens, medications http://jessicacoaches.com/2016/03/depressed-anxiety-six-solutions-to-kick-it-to-the-curb/

If you or a loved one is in the depths of depression, I’m sorry, it is a horrible place to be.  The good thing is there is hope.  One thing I have noticed is people keep going back for the same tricks that are not working for them or don’t get help at all.  They feel trapped by the fact that they have always been this way, and they can’t imagine a life where it could be any different.  There are solutions.  Do you think the only cures for mental illnesses are medication and classic therapy?  A whole world of options exists out there, and I’m sure I have not even heard all of them.

 

Loved Ones: First things first, your person needs you, you will need to support them.  This is a real illness.  You will need to help them navigate the medical and insurance system.  You will need to be supportive of getting them to try new things and get to appointments.   If they are unable to manage their life you might need to financially support them, however, I believe you should only do this if they are actively seeking help as not to enable them just to dwell in depression.

 

So what can I do?

Continue reading “Depressed, Anxiety? Six solutions to kick it to the curb!”